Thursday, March 25, 2010

Facebook Dilemma

I have been thinking about posting about this for awhile, but I am glad I waited because something really funny happened today that goes along perfectly with this topic.
-
Ok- Facebook.
-
Facebook is an interesting place because it is a world where communities from various parts of my life meet. There are high school friends I haven't talked to in years, church friends who I don't really know all that well, great friends who know me inside and out, some of my former students, family members, and a plethora of people in between. It is a hodgepodge of various people I have encountered throughout my life. I enjoy that- it is fun to see where people have ended up and get reacquainted with people I have not seen in over a decade (wow I am old) as well as keep in touch better with those I am close to.
-
But because of this weird mix of people, I always try to be as generic as possible in my post- not wanting to offend somebody with what I say. I think Facebook is different than a blog- you choose to come to my blog, and if you don't like what I have to say, you can easily go away. With Facebook, however, what you write GOES TO other people- you are infringing on them, not the other way around. Your comments wind up on their wall, and what you have to say may not be welcome. With such a strange mix of people who I am "friends" with, I know it can be easy to upset people with what I say. I made a comment or two about politics, but have since decided it isn't worth it. If I want to talk/debate politics, I will go elsewhere, where I think it is more appropriate.
-
I have actually even considered "unfriending" people, but in the end decided against it and am choosing to just ignore what some people write (you know who you are:)). But the reason I considered it is because I don't want these views that I completely disagree with coming TO me- uninvited and unasked for.
-
But today on my Wall was a post from a girl I knew years ago about how horrible the health care bill was (THIS IS NOT A HEALTH CARE DEBATE- GO TO THE POLITICAL BLOGS- OR FACEBOOK-TO DISCUSS IT- I AM MERELY TELLING MY STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY). This is the ump-teenth time she has written on my wall how horrible Obama is and how she hates our government, etc. etc. Again, I have not actually talked to her in years- but she insists on talking politics on Facebook. I have never once responded. But, today I decided to. I commented on her post:
-
"I love the health care bill. I am so excited it passed- what a marvelous time to be an American and experience these wonderful events! I LOVE the USA!"
-
That was my comment. Again- I have NEVER commented to her rants before- this is the first time.
-
Within 5 minutes, she "unfriended" me. I laughed hysterically- here she has been blasting me for months with her political ideologies, and I make ONE comment against her, and we are no longer friends.
-
And that's why I think Facebook creates a series of dilemmas. What is appropriate to comment on (I don't mean just politics, either)? When should you "unfriend" people? If you post on somebody's wall, is it so horrible to think they might disagree with you?
-
Maybe friends of the past should stay in the past. Well, obviously this one should!

9 comments:

  1. Oh how times have changed. 10 years ago, would we have the "unfriending" debate? Boy, that makes me sound old, doesn't it? Now a whole new round of social etiquette is being developed because of these sites. Crazy. Because it's "online" people say things they might not in person. I always try to say things I would say in person too. Same with my blog, actually. I think you're on the right track with all this! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's almost worth unfriending you after reading this just for the comic value.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you just need a facebook tutorial. You can choose to leave people out when you make comments (I do it all the time), you can make it so that certain people don't have access to your wall at all, you can make it so that some people can only see very limited information, etc. Then you're not being rude by choosing to not friend someone, and you also don't have to actually deal with them, so to speak. :) If you want more information on this, I can send you a lengthier email. I got a friend request a week or so ago that I was a little weirded out by but chose to accept based on the fact that I can control the info I want him/her to see.
    On a slightly different note, though, I think you should say what you want on facebook and not care what people think - they obviously do it. If people want to unfriend you because of your political beliefs, so be it. When my sister-in-law became a fan of obama during the elections, like half of her friends unfriended her. She thought it was kind of funny. Post away! Love Obama! Love healthcare! Love the USA! Who cares!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are awesome Christina! I love how old highschool friends who were such jerks in the past want to be friends now too. I feel your pain and love to think about your opinions; ones I agree on and ones I don't. Keep up the blogging!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Do you know you can hide some people's comments. That way you can keep them as a friend and check in on them once in a while, but you don't ever see their statuses unless you want to. That's what I did to you...JUST KIDDING.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The more I think about it, the more I just can't believe how immature her reaction was. Seriously- SHE brought up politics, not me. Is her attitude if you don't agree with every little thing she says you can't be friends? I hope she isn't teaching her children to do that- now I just want to tell her to grow up, but thankfully I have no way to contact her.

    Dave- If you unfriend me, I will hate you forever.

    Jenny- I like what you said- I am going to remember that rule. If you wouldn't say it to ther face, don't say it at all.

    Dani- You are opening up a whole new world to me. Please tell me more- especially about how to only show what you are saying to certain people.

    Susie- I love your thoughts as well!!! You are seriously a friend who if we lived in the same town I would still hang out with all the time (if you would have me)!!!

    Shells- You probably did hide me- you were sick of hearing about all of my couponing deals, weren't you? (note sarcasm in tone)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I just wanted to say I agree with Danielle. You could even make a status update and choose that you only want 5 people to read it. Really, you can choose what you see and what others see for EVERYTHING. In this situation though, it was her issue and not yours. And, if she wants to unfriend you for disagreeing with her views then too bad for her. I don't add anyone unless I know them and only people that I add have access to my information, so it is not extremely public. However, "hiding" people from your Newsfeeds can be beneficial if you want to see what people are up to every once in awhile, but don't care to hear everything about their lives. Obviously she was not a good friend in the first place.

    Was she actually writing on your wall or was it a status update that came on your Newsfeed or Status Update page? If she was writing on your wall she was just asking for a debate.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I laughed so loud at this! I have so many people from my past who are southern republican's who just rant and rant. This even includes a family member. I hate it. They rant about how we are now a socialist country and I just want to tell them to shut up but it is hard when it is your brother. Thanks for the humor today.
    Jenny

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh - and by the way, regarding the appropriate question: UMM...WHY DO SOME PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY NEED TO TELL OTHER PEOPLE INTIMATE DETAILS ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES???

    ReplyDelete