Monday, June 7, 2010

But For The Grace of God

Today I got what must be the 2nd scariest phone call anybody can ever receive: "A house on your street is engulfed in flames. I don't think it's yours- but you better get home."
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I was at the park baby-sitting about 10 minutes from the house.
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The worst 10 minutes of my life.
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Literally falling apart, crying uncontrollably, I raced home and pulled onto our street- stopped by 2 police cars blocking the street. I looked at my house.
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Six fire trucks and seven ambulances parked in front of MY house.
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I can't explain the emotions that went through me as I completely broke down, jumped out of my car, and ran down the street as fast as I could to see if it was, indeed, my house on fire. I was on the phone with Ben- he, helpless, unable to do anything because he was too far from home. Finally I gasped and cried into the phone,

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"It's not our house. It's not our house!"
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Instantly, a huge cry of relief swept over me as I realized everything was parked so close to our house because our house has the fire hydrant in front of it. The house across the street and three doors down is the one that was destroyed. Absolutely destroyed.

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I realized as I was crying a huge cry of relief, somebody else would not have that luxury. Somebody else would franctically drive home- hoping their life was not destroyed- and not have the cry of relief that it wasn't them. For somebody else, their life was going to be ruined. As I had thought only moments before mine was.

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I got into my car and wept for them. Wept for the family that was not as lucky as mine. The one who didn't escape the horror of having their house burned down.

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I have thought about the 10 minutes of Hell that I went through- when I thought my house might be burned down. As I was driving home every thought in the world went through my mind.

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We have insurance.
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What would have started a fire?
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I never turned the oven on. I never turned the oven on. It wasn't the oven.
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My girls are OK.
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I'm OK.
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I have the gospel of Jesus Christ.
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I have the gospel of Jesus Christ.
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That's what matters.
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I thought about the phrase, "But for the grace of God." I have heard that several times, and I was tempted to say that today.

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But for the grace of god it wasn't my house that burned down.
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But for the grace of god it wasn't my husband who got laid off.
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But for the grace of god it wasn't me who got cancer.
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I decided I don't like that phrase.
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If you say "but for the grace of God" then you are also saying that if something bad happens to you it must be because God wasn't showing you grace. And I don't buy that.
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Ever.
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I believe when the house burns down, when the husband gets laid off, when the cancer comes- God shows us MORE grace- not less.
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When trials come- the Lord is by our side. I know that. I have felt that.
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When I thought my house may have burned down today, my mind raced about the horrors that would mean.
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But I also thought of Christ.
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And how He is always there.
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Always.
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Even when it doesn't seem like it.
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Especially when it doesn't seem like it.
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I pray I will remember that when it is my turn to lose everything.

9 comments:

  1. Glad it wasn't your house, although I suppose it is good to have the occasional reminder that material possessions aren't everything.
    On another note, I find burnt houses really dark and creapy so for your sake, I hope they rebuild quickly.
    How terrible!

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  2. Oh Christina - this post made me cry. I can just imagine your fear. I HATE that phrase too. Because something really awful did happen to us (IMO worse than a house burning down) and it was not because God (or whoever) was not showing us (or my baby daughter) grace or mercy - and no one out there can possibly talk me into thinking our family is anything but innocent folks who had a bad thing happen. And you're right, a house burning down is really, really inconvenient, but it's not heart-shattering. But then again, I have a different perspective than most. I'm happy you're ok though, but my heart breaks for that family.

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  3. Yikes, what a scary experience. I'm so glad you and your family and your house are all OK. What a terrible thing to happen.

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  4. Jenny- I agree. That's why I said a house burning down would be the 2nd worst thing. There is one thing worse than losing all of your memories- never having had the opportunity to make them.

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  5. Wow, how scary! I'm so glad it wasn't yours. That's one of those things you think can never happen to you. But, it happens to people everyday. Thanks for reminding us all what's really important.

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  6. See? You ARE such a downer. ;)
    Who called you while you were at the park? A neighbor?

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  7. Dani- You would feel that way too if you thought your house had burned down:) On the upside, I was looking for some inspiration on a lesson I am giving next month on Provident Living, and this experience gave me all the inspiration I needed!

    It was my RS President who called. Her house is right behind mine and her husband could see the flames from their house. She knew I was at the park baby-sitting this kid (another story in and of itself!) and gave me a call. Ben was like, "why couldn't they run over and tell us for SURE it wasn't our house so we didn't have to worry?" But, they were worried the flames might spread to their house it was so bad. Luckily there were no winds that day- that probably saved the neighbors houses.

    Oh, they boarded up the house so it's not quite so creepy- now it just looks like a construction house or something. Lots of people driving or walking by to see the house, though.

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  8. I'll tell you why I LOVE the phrase, "But for the grace of God". Because, but for the grace of God, I would not be here. But for the grace of God, I would not believe. But for the grace of God, nothing would exist. It doesn't mean, God gave me barely just enough grace just at a horrible moment and that I got by by the skin of my teeth on His grace. It means, if not for the grace of God (fill in the blank here). Grace is never something meeted out according to need. Grace is poured onto us wrecklessy and copiously by a loving God. More than we need--always.
    Oh, and my house was destroyed when I was 12. And I WISH it could have been a fire so we could have stood on the curb and watched it burn rather than be IN IT when that tornado struck. In fact, once we survived that, we shed very few tears about the house. 6 of us were in there. And but for the grace of God, 6 of us came out.

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  9. Jen- A tornado is definitley on the list as one of the worst things to ever have to endure!!!! I didn't know you had to go through that- how awful!!!!

    I think we both agree on the same thing (that the grace of God is what saves us ALWAYS no matter what), we're just coming at it from different sides (I just don't like the implication that if something bad happens it's because you didn't have the grace of God in the phrase, "but for the grace of God I was spared").
    I definitely see your point, though- and I do agree. There are many, many times (pretty much daily, actually, if I really think about it) I have relied on His grace- and I am certain there will be many times in the future that I will as well.

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