Friday, June 4, 2010

Preschool?

When I first moved here, a mom told me, "You HAVE to get Audra on St. Luke's waiting list- it is the best preschool- the only place you want to send your kid too!"
Quite literally I thought, "Do you honestly I think I care about sending my child to the most prestigious preschool? I mean, seriously, it's PRESCHOOL for Heaven's sake!"
Needless to say, I did not get her on the list and she is not enrolled at St. Luke's.
But, the last few months have been interesting as I have processed whether or not to send Audra to preschool. She has two years left until kindergarten, so she does not need to go to preschool this fall, she can definitely wait another year. But, she CAN go to preschool this fall if I so choose.
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Surprisingly, this has been a difficult decision for me.
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I thought for sure I would be the most anxious mom in the world to put Audra is preschool- FREEDOM!!! The ability to go to the grocery store with only ONE kid!! How could I not want that?
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So I started weighing the options. There are many. I started adding the costs. There are lots. I talked to people. For every mom I talked to, there was a different opinion. I knew one thing was sure:
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I was going to have to decide this on my own.
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So I researched and thought it out more. And, my decision is...
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No preschool next year.
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But not because of the money- though that was a factor. Not because I couldn't find a preschool I liked- on the contrary, I found the perfect one for her when she goes next year- a great one run at the home of somebody at church who has been doing preschool for 20 years. So, no, that is not the reason I chose to not put her in preschool. It is partly because I want her to be able to take classes like ballet and art and tumbling at the local rec center. But mostly it is because:
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I am not ready to let my baby go.
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Every mother goes through this at some point- daycare, preschool, kindergarten, college- I know this is something we all must deal with. But I am surprised- even hearing how hard it is for other mothers- at how powerful the urge was to not let go.
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She's my baby.
I don't want somebody else teaching her.
What if she gets hurt or made fun of?
What if she doesn't make friends?
I want more time with her!
I want more time with her!
I want more time with her!
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These thoughts are a powerful force I did not expect. I know it is only preschool- but that doesn't matter. After preschool comes kindergarten, then all-day school, then high school, college, marriage- gradually, I lose my little princess. Right now I have her to myself all day every day. But when preschool starts, I begin the process of losing her. I'm not ready for that!
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And then, the unthinkable thought occurred to me.
Am I a....
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Helicopter Parent?!?!?
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This is the most loathed and feared creature in the teaching community! I have seen what helicopter parents do- they never let their kids make decisions, they call teachers 3 times a day, their kid is never allowed to make a mistake or make a grade lower than a 99% even when they didn't earn it! They call professors in college and even go on job interviews with their kids. And worst of all....
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They become PTA presidents!
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
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I am on a course toward disaster, but I don't care.
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I want one more year.
One more year where it's just me, Audra, and Claire.
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One more year where I am her teacher.
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One more year where I get to take her to the park everyday if I want to.
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One more year where she can still be my baby.
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Just one.
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So we will wait one more year.
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And I will keep my baby.

9 comments:

  1. I have had the same conversation with Ken about Olivia. She is a smart, lovable, social creature who would love preschool. People ask me all the time what preschool we are putting her in next year, but I am really having a hard time letting her go. We go on playdates almost daily, she loves the library and doing classes, and she is my bundle of joy. Part of it is because she is my last, but I have decided to keep her home one more year so we can be together. That is why I stay home, to teach and nurture, and I have decided one year of preschool will be enough. It was a hard decision, but I am sure it is the right one for me, and luckily one other parent agrees, so thank you.

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  2. We have been pondering this too. I feel that James has his letters and numbers pretty good but he needs the social skills and self control skill. Preschool is a bit too pricey for us but we have a YMCA memebership and we go everyday for classes. He has a reading class, music class, art class and preschool games class. They are 45 min. then he goes to the Adventure Zone to be a boy with the other active kids and has made good friends all the while I am able to get some time to myself and exercise. It is a win win situation and then I am with him the rest of the day. If there is anything wrong they can come and get me thus alowing his independance and me the ablility to jump in easily if he needs me. Good luck. You are amazing!

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  3. Wow, now I feel kind of sad just thinking about letting go. I think that's probably one of the hardest things you do as a parent. Especially as a mom who devotes her entire life to raising her children.

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  4. Let me start by saying that I'm not commenting here to completely disagree with you, I just want to throw out my experience here...
    I thought I felt the same way, that I wanted to keep N at home for another year and maybe even hold him back a year in kindergarten because he didn't seem entirely ready, choosing a school was hard, money, I wanted more time, etc. - all the reasons you list. BUT - then when we ended up putting N in the little birth-to-three preschool this spring for some PT and speech therapy, I have had the opportunity to first-hand watch him in a school environment. He eats it up and LOVES it so much. I have seen him progress SO much in just 2 months. Now that he's caught up, I decided he needed to go to preschool in the fall and that I could live without him for 2.5 hours twice a week. It has nothing to do with wanting him to be a genius or way ahead or anything intellectual. I've read that it really doesn't matter because they all pretty much catch up in kindergarten regardless. I just feel like part of being a parent is encouraging independence and helping children become their own people. While I hate this whole letting-go-thing, I feel like it's just something I have to face. I also don't feel like I can give him all the experiences a preschool environment can. I realize that for him, if I keep him at home too much, it just holds him back developmentally - he needs that structured environment to challenge him.
    So, I made the opposite decision. :) (but I know lots of people who aren't doing preschool in the fall, we all have to do what's best for our own individual children)

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  5. I 100% agree with everything--I totally understand. Only I'm having trouble putting Jonas into nursery!!

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  6. I hope I wasn't coming across as saying this was the right decision for everyone- I wasn't trying to say that at all!!!!! One thing I have learned about parenting: There is no one right answer. Everybody has to come up with what works best for them! Every family chooses their own path, and that is the beauty of being parents- we get to choose what path to take our family on. Right now this is ours- but a year from now, it might be a completely different one. As long as we are doing what we feel is best for our own individual children, then I would say we are doing the "right" thing-even if it looks different from our neighbors.

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  7. Oh. And I don't think anyone should view preschool as a daycare. 'nuf said.

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  8. I've read studies on this. Kids do better socially the longer they stay at home. They don't have as many issues with separation anxiety because they are more secure with their relationships with they mommies. I am sending Daniel to preschool this year ONLY because he missed the cut off by 1 day and I feel he is ready. Also, it is just 2 hours 4 days a week. Keep your baby home, don't kick her out yet. This is your final chance to keep her home before she enters the very secular world.

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  9. Good discussions on here. Just to add another perspective, as a working mom whose kids are in daycare. It definitely is all day pre-school. They play games, they learn sign language, they learn to count, read, etc. I agree with Danielle that you aren't putting kids in pre-school for a few moments for yourself, you are putting them in there for the growth your child gets out of it emotionally, educationally, socially. However, each parent is the best judge of their children. I was shocked when we moved to England and my kids started full day school here an entire year earlier than they would have in the States. We felt both of our kids were ready and we were excited. I have been absolutely amazed at how much they have learned and grown, at a faster rate than I would have ever thought. So my advice would be, do what is best for you, but don't underestimate your kids. Challenge them, teach them, love them!

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