Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Loss, But a Good One

This post may be long- but remember, I'll never know if you don't read the whole thing, or any of it at all!

I have been a little emotional the last few days (and going and watching My Sister's Keeper last night didn't help with that- a total tear jerker, but a great movie- thanks again, Jen- that was a great night!!!!). It has just finally hit me that Audra is no longer going to be an only child- there will now be two little rugrats to contend with. I am not sad for Audra- I know she will be an awesome big sister and she and this new little one will be the best of friends (and worst enemies) throughout their lives. But, I guess I am selfishly a little sad for me.

For the past 26 months it has just been Audra and me. We've traipsed around town doing everything together- just the two of us (while Daddy is at work all day). Yes, as you all know, the first several months were awful, but after that it has been so incredibly enjoyable. I have really tried hard to live in the moment- to cherish the "doing" and not the "getting it done" as they say. I know that Audra isn't going anywhere or anything, but tomorrow everything IS going to change. Of course, I know it is for the better (I know my parents weren't truly happy until I was born- I was the third) and we just have greater things to look forward to, but there is a loss I am feeling right now that it will never again be just Audra and me. And that makes me a little sad. Sad because this time with her has been so wonderful, but also sad for this new baby who I will never get that one-on-one time with. Starting tomorrow it will be, "are the girls ready?" instead of, "is Audra ready?"

When I tell Ben this, he says that we can do date nights individually with the kids, and I know some of you already do that which is wonderful. I think we will try and incorporate that into our household- so that we can really get to know each child individually and they can have that one-on-one time with mommy and daddy that they need. I think that will help.

I am, however, grateful for all the memories I have of just us: going to story time at the library, park days, picking flowers, watching her play with her friends, letting her ride in the car cart at the grocery store. She is such a precious and wonderful little girl, and I love her so much. I already love this baby we are having tomorrow as well, and I am excited to meet her and get to know her personality and watch she and Audra play together. I know it will be a grand and wonderful adventure, one that I am excited for- even if I do feel a small loss for me as being the mom of an only child ends.

Here are some mommy/Audra pics:
And, here is what Audra did for her last day of being an only child:

We went over to her friend Tucker's house (she calles him "Tuckey"- very cute!) and they played in his ball pit and with all of his toys- they had a great time together! This afternoon I think we will have some fun mommy/Audra time and then tomorrow- everything changes! I know that she will be such a wonderful big sister- she is already excited for the baby, and I know that this is what we are supposed to be doing for our family. The Lord has blessed us, and we are grateful for this new stage of life.

For now, I am off to do something I won't be able to do again for a very, very long time: Take a nap.


  1. Aww...making ME emotional here. :) I feel the SAME way. I love hanging out with my little boy and I am a little sad to have to share him, or have to have him share me. I just hung out with a good friend of mine who I hadn't seen in a long time, though, who just had her 2nd and watching her pretty easily handle the two kids and see that both were relatively happy made me feel a little better.
    I'm sure you'll get to a point where you will relish time spent with both your girls just like you do with your Audra-time now. These transitions are always hard.
    I'm thinking about you today and will be tomorrow too! Can't wait to hear your great news!

  2. I went through the same thing! But it's incredible the amount of love I have for both my kids. I've never been so incredibly happy. I thought that when I was married I would never be happier, then I thought the same with Logan's birth and now with Olivia's. Life will be different fo you and Audra, but it's going to be a GREAT different.

    Good luck!

  3. Your feelings are very normal! Just wanted to let you know that we'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and I know it will go great (just be prepared!) Don't hesitate to call or text if you have any questions at all! I'm so excited for all of you - you're giving Audra an amazing gift - siblings are priceless.

  4. I am so excited that your day has finally come!!! You are going to do great! I am sure Audra is thrilled!!! Best wishes to you and your family!!!