Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Matched Opposites

Yesterday I was listening to a radio show (105.9 FM) and they had some guy from England who wrote a book called, "How To Get Someone to Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes." He had done a lot of research and found several conclusions which he was discussing.

Of course, in regards to love, there have been a million studies about attraction, how to stay together forever, etc. I am definitely not trying to say that he is the be all, end all on love- and certainly there will be a million exceptions to every rule on love ever imagined. One thing he said, though, really stuck with me because it described Ben and me quite well, and I was curious to hear if others thought their relationships fell in the same category.

He said in his research he found that couples who were "matched opposites" had the most long lasting and deep relationships (again, understand there will be a million exceptions- let's not categorize this as the only way to have a successful relationship- that would be rediculous). What is a "matched opposite?" That is when you are matched in your values and beliefs, but you are opposites when it comes to personalities and interests. He said the values hold you together through thick and thin, but the opposite natures drive the passion and excitement of the relationship. He said if you were "match/match" then you were great friends, but not lovers (sorry, I didn't want to use that word on a public blog, but couldn't think of a better word then lover).

I definitely believe there are exceptions, but I thought that described Ben and me pretty well. When Ben and I first met, I am sure people were like, "how did they get together?" A leader from our church even asked if Ben ever talked on our dates because he is so shy (to be honest, I couldn't get him to stop talking- we always had great conversations right from the start). But, it works out perfectly- when we go to parties, I get to do all the talking- which I enjoy- and Ben gets to sit back and wish he wasn't there- which he enjoys (kind-of). But even though we are opposite, our core values are the same and we have the same long-term goals. So, I liked his description, at least for Ben and me. What about you? Are you matched opposites? Matched matched? Opposites opposite? Or, do you just think this guy is crazy and needs to get off the radio?

My perfect Matched Opposite!


  1. Jason and I are opposite on some things: food preferences (he likes crazy ethnic, I like plain, boring American comfort foods), music (he likes some whacked out stuff), movies (he prefers subtitles). We have very similar temperaments, which has always worked well for us, though. Neither of us like to argue (Jason gets all his arguing out in front of a judge) and we both are kind of quiet, independent people. It works. I like to think we enrich each other's life. He gets me to have an open mind and try new things, and I get him to land on earth every once in awhile and have a semi-normal life. :)

  2. Travis and I are definitely matched opposites. We see eye to eye (for the most part) on moral, political, social and religious issues, but our interests are very different. Yes, we both like to roller blade, but he sings I play sports, he reads, I watch movies. Just about the only thing we have in common is the fact that we LOVE food :)

    What a fun post!

  3. I think Alan and I fit the matched opposites category pretty well too. I don't think we would have ever gotten together if it hadn't been for our one common interest - running. Alan loves watching and playing sports while I despise them. I love to read and Alan would rather cut off his hand than read for pleasure. That being said, our opposing personalities make our relationship work. Alan is laid back while I'm fairly high strung. He helps me chill out while I push him to work a little harder. Interesting how it works.

  4. Jared and I couldn't be more opposite! The church is what got us together but he likes action movies while I like chick-flicks. I sing and he plays the bagpipes. I don't mind being at home on a friday night and he always wants to be out. Strange, but it works. We both love the gospel and believe in Eternal marriage and that's the most important.

  5. This is fun- and I feel like I'm getting to know you all so much better! It seems like there are a lot of matched opposites, so maybe this guy is accurate after all! Anybody else want to reveal???

  6. Yeah, I guess Rich and I more matched opposites; he fits me so well. He is calm and laid back, when I have a tendency to be high strung about some things. He is more reserved than I am; I love to socialize! Where Rich is weak, I am strong, and where I am weak, Rich is strong. The biggest thing is that we make each other want to be better people, and Rich is my rock!